this job is fucking killing me and I need a new one
skills:
notably talented at copy-editing, speed-reading, shoplifting, haggling, and walking in heels
can read three foreign languages and Middle English; unusually knowledgeable regarding early American science fiction, childen's books of the 1990s, Eddie Murphy movies, bel canto, fashion blogs, and the Platonic dialogues
can ride bareback, sail solo, operate a forklift, bike in Chinatown
weaknesses:
can't quit smoking, can't cook, can't drive, insomniac, huge feet, clumsy, forgetful, depressive, impractical, agoraphonic, can't hold liquor, hoarding impulses
has a hard time looking "clean"; awkward on phones, confabulates, talks in her sleep
snoozes for half an hour every morning, even with company
utterly ignorant of contemporary music and television
also, junk food & Italian men
